A very wise man once wrote: If you have imagination as a grain of sesame seed, all things are possible to you.

Ever since I read that, I believed it. In fact, the book changed my life, because it changed how I see the world. To be honest, at this point in my life, I can’t really remember how I saw the world before this book, but I certainly remember how it felt. And it wasn’t a very nice feeling.

For some reason,  I have always felt trapped in this world. Trapped among people, between situations, circumstances, laws, rules and “have to do’s”. And I don’t enjoy feeling trapped.

So this book changed my life. From being helplessly trapped, I started realizing I am my own master of creation. I create my world, my situations, my traps … If I am trapped, it’s because I have trapped myself, and I am free to walk away from this trap.

So far, so good. This is honestly how I feel and how I see this world of mine. This means, of course, I am also responsible for every single feeling, situation and helplessness I encounter. This can be quite the burden sometimes since it’s much nicer to blame others for my circumstances.

At the moment, I am feeling helplessly trapped, and as always, I am not enjoying it. And I’m not enjoying knowing that I’m the only person who can change this since I am the master of my own life. So what to do …?

The situation is that I am looking for a full-time job. I have been for about a year. Freelancing and part-timing as an editor is fun, but I need a full-time steady job instead. And since I have yet to finish and master my creation of the novel I can publish and sell for billions and trillions to live on happily ever after, this is what I need to do right now: find a full-time job. (I guess sometimes my imagination is limited to less than a  grain of sesame seed, sorry, Richard.)

I have been looking for a little more than a year now, sending out a steady stream of applications. At first, I was selective, now less so. I apply for basically anything I can possibly do. I believed in myself, I believe in my experience, my knowledge, my education, my talents, etc. And I believe I write pretty decent applications, yet I have still even to land a single interview. How can this be?

Now this question I haven’t been able to answer. Of course, there is the obvious answer that someone with more talent than I always apply for the same jobs. But still … And believing that I am the master of my own life, how can I not create this opportunity for myself? Am I blocking myself so this won’t happen? Am I meant for something else? Am I blind or staring down the wrong road?

What I do know is that this stand-still is killing me; killing my mood, my energy, my spirit. I want this and it doesn’t happen. At the moment, it’s weighing down on me to the point where I can’t even read. No book appeals, nothing comforts.

I was just looking over my endless bookshelves, pausing to think, and my eyes caught “Illusions” again. I know this book by heart, every line, every comma, every dot of ink. And I love this book so much. Picking it up, I remembered something Richard always said: If you need an answer, pick anything readable, turn to a random page and read the answer to your question.

Let’s try this. Question: Why can’t I get a full-time job right now?

Book says: “There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts.”

Very well, Richard. I’ll let this simmer for the night.

Oh, and dear reader, if you haven’t already read it, get yourself “Illusions.”